Dominique Asgeirsdottir @domiwaffles
394 Posts
394 Posts
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Things I have in common with bears: 1. a protective layer of fluffy 2. stealing food from people 3. I kill on average 6 people a year
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me stubbornly freezing to death in -8 because I refuse to admit to my mom that she was right and I should have worn a coat (swipe to see her forcing me to wear a coat anyway 😂♥️)
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Standing here waiting for the tide to come in so I can finally befriend a shark 🦈 I shall name him Benjamin and we shall bond over the fact that we are both pescatarians, and I will introduce him to french fries, thus earning his loyalty forever. he will come to live with me at my house in my swimming pool and I shall feed him an exclusive diet of traffic wardens and politicians and cheetos (also spinach because I am a good shark mommy) We’re planning our next beach vacation! Pls give me recommendations for beautiful beaches and/or tips on befriending sharks
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Me in my new @bombshellsportswear (looking around in every direction at the gym, seeing no one for miles. A tumbleweed rolls through): *touches a dumbbell* Guy (crashes through ceiling): hey i was actually still using that AD | So excited to join team #BombshellSportswear 🥰💕
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men shame on you if you're still commenting "😍" on the selfies of the women u like. pls observe, this is what women want to hear: As the gentle groan of the autumn winds played upon my mind a trick I gazed upon your digital image, madam, and softly whispered Damn girl u thicc
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the trick to putting on skinny jeans is to pretend ur in a fire and stop drop and roll until they‘re on. the trick to taking them off is that you can’t. u are now stuck and will have to wait for the fire department to come cut them off you.
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I'm so glad I learned about parallelograms instead of how to do taxes. It's really come in handy this parallelogram season.
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starting to suspect I may never be an Absolute Unit™ but that will never stop me from strutting around the gym with the very incorrect assumption that I’m the strongest one there, despite the literally endless amounts of evidence that prove otherwise AD | @ptulaactive
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